3 Different Stories about the Same Halloween Night
All stories are 100% nonfiction.
Smurf vs. Smurf (The Fight)
These two were in competition the whole night. First, they performed a ritual only done by the most heterosexual of men—of painting each other head to toe. Since there was only enough paint for one of them, the other had a subpar costume. After heavily drinking and competing over women during the night, the two friends of the past got viciously angry at one another. What’s funnier than seeing two Smurfs fist fighting and crying at a party? Two Smurfs fist fighting and crying about who had the better costume.***
*Both Smurfs 23 or older.
** If you can get laid with blue facial and body paint, Papa Schu will knight you Jedi Pimp.
***What color does a Smurf turn when you choke them?
Little Red Riding Whore (The Hookup)
Let’s keep this short and sweet. After the Smurf altercation, members of the group (minus one Smurf), headed out to the bars. One of the members of the party, a boxer, decided to go “ridin’ dirty” with Little Red Riding Hood in a packed bar.* The highlight of this story is seeing the boxer get up (in mesh shorts) with a ¾ chub.**
*Specifically the Tiger Claw.
**Names were never exchanged.
That’s a Man Baby
After countless hours of drinking, neither a fight between two Smurfs nor a sexual encounter in a bar could prepare any members of the group for the final story.
Remember, severely drunk people tend to wander aimlessly and get lost.
A man (half-clothed from his costume), with a girlfriend far away, roamed away from the group into the gay corridor of the city,* where transsexual/gender (whatever is politically correct) was waiting to take advantage
Figuring the man was very intoxicated and in beast mode** (Still does not excuse confusing THIS tranny for a women).***
*Unknown to him
**Will Fuck anything that walks—even a beast.
***Some transsexuals actually turn Papa Schu on. But then again, so do feet.
Especially, when she is 6’2″ and has bigger hands than you. Also when she looks like this:
Sensing the man lost his way, the tranny took his hand and proceeded to guide him towards its room. Holding each other’s hands at 5am, the two were destined for love. Kissing here and there, the man was intrigued by its height and grip.
The two of them went back to its place where words on paper (or text on a computer screen) could not describe the love making.*******
****Really what happened was the group saw the roaming man holding hands with the tranny. The man had no idea it was a man. Papa Schu and the others did not feel it was necessary for the man to go home with it. The man definitely owes the group a drink.
*****Papa Schu waited for the man to pass out and punched him countless times in the lower back.
******The man woke and had no idea why is lower back hurt (too much butt sex, eh?).
